What You Don’t Expect…When You’re Expecting

No one can make someone understand what it truly feels like to become a mother. Each woman does, as MOMbo says, her own personal and unique “dance” into this new way of life. By the time I was ready to have a child, I had many mommy friends who were eager to provide me with loads of details and advice. Though I listened, none of what they said made any real impression on me.

I had a vision of my motherhood experience that had nothing to do with sleep deprivation or endlessly dirty diapers. In my mind, everything was going to be blissful, serene, organized, and fit neatly into my existing life. I would get up at 5AM to practice yoga, start writing my book while the baby napped, and hold conference calls while my darling played silently at my feet with age-appropriate handmade toys. I fooled myself into thinking that the journey into motherhood was an experience I could control. These “friends” of mine who told gleeful war stories about weeks without sleep and months without adult conversation obviously didn’t have my skill for managing things.

Unfortunately, my expectations didn’t turn out to have any bearing on reality. Right from the start, my best intentions were tossed aside like an unsolicited movie script. I remember the social worker who visited my hospital room a day after I’d given birth. “My, my,” she said, “things didn’t go quite the way you’d planned, did they?”

Motherhood turned out to be chaotic, unpredictable, overwhelming, and – at times – downright frightening. Though I had read a good many books and bought all manner of supplies and gadgets, I initially felt utterly unprepared. I tried to create an illusion of having things in-hand by documenting every feeding, bowel movement, and nap. I tried desperately to shoehorn myself and my newborn into a schedule that fit my preconceived ideas about how things were “supposed” to be. Looking back now, I can see why my mom laughed at me.

The thing is, motherhood changes everything. It consumes you in a way you couldn’t have imagined. Even now, as the mom of a precocious and independent five year-old, I am still constantly adapting to new challenges.

If I’d been asked early on about my parenting “philosophy” I would have cocked my head in the manner of a relatively intelligent golden retriever. I realize that many moms – even first-time, sleep-deprived ones – are capable of answering such a question with a well thought out and deeply grounded “mom-ologue,” but not me. Early on, my parenting philosophy was, “please let me survive.”

Five years into this gig, I’m just beginning to get a sense of what my philosophy might be. It’s pretty simple: love, play, trust. Love your child and yourself unconditionally. Play whenever you can. Trust that you’re not going to screw this up. Breathe, listen, appreciate, and have fun.  Though it may feel like it sometimes, motherhood isn’t a race, a test, or a millstone. It’s a chance to share the world with another, and by doing so, see it in a new light yourself. Enjoy the ride.

Jamie Wallace is a single mom who makes her living as a virtual Web development project manager and versatile writer/blogger/editor.  Her writings can be found on popular parenting sites, including a weekly featured column at BabyCenter. She is an enthusiastic participant in all kinds of communication and community building – from local, “real world” projects to completely virtual networks of people and stories.